My friend Katherine had two of the most polite parents. The year before she and her mother moved away to Boston, everything was okay. Everything was okay until her father, the Doctor, admitted he was having an affair with a woman he met.
But he did say, in the calmest, most polite voice: I am having an affair. I love you still.
I still love you. Two months later Katherine and her mother moved to Boston to be with family. How many of these people were like the Doctor? Gray Tie, 25, cheating on his girlfriend with a girl he met at his first office job. Gray Hair, 50, screwing the 23 year old intern. I was nervous too. I took out my notebook and looked over my notes blank pages.
I had this vague idea in my head that I would try to write a short fiction account of someone cheating on their partner. So I did research.
Ivan: My friends say that I am an active, positive and kind person. I am a tender man, who needs a strong man. I`m a very romantic, tender, sentimental lady. There are many people in the world.
I was incapable of writing about that one exact moment. And I became obsessed with it. I became completely obsessed with infidelity, short of cheating on my own girlfriend.
I became a rover of obscure internet forums. These people seemed simply to not exist. Searching for statistics on infidelity yields few if any credible results. Unfortunately, the websites these pieces of research come from are not the most credible websites in the world. Further prodding reveals that all of these websites have information from the same sources which is, for the most part, not linked on their websites. This information all comes from books and studies done past the last 20 years.
So then where is all the modern information on infidelity? Believing this survey as a correct sample of all North American men assumes that one in three men who are in committed relationships have cheated on their partners. That means that everyone one of you with two uncles statistically speaking has a cheater in your family.
When I became starved and desperate for information to finish my story I had the idea that I would talk to people who had cheated on their partners and interview them, and maybe then I would begin to understand what it feels like to cheat on your partner. The problem was actually finding people who wanted to talk.
There is a certain stereotype that surrounds cheaters. It goes something like this: My first idea was to post ads on Craigslist advertising for who I was looking for. Wanting them to be seen by the people I thought I was trying to attract, I posted four very similar ads in two different sections. I posted one Man for Woman and one Woman for Man ad under Dating Relationshipsfor people who were looking for other people to date, and I posted one Man for Woman and one Woman for Man ad under Casual Encounters, for people who were looking for casual sex.
Within the next 24 hours I had gotten 30 replies. Although both my ads seeking men from women were flagged and removed within the first two hours of being posted maybe this says something about the men who use CraigslistI received emails from people who were interested in helping me. People gave me their cell phone numbers, and New survey says cheaters deserve second chances me emails using their own emails asking what it was exactly I wanted to know.
I received one email from someone who had made up an email account to asking me about the nature of my research and if they could correspond with me via email so I would never find out who they were, which was fine with me. A bit overwhelmed by the amount of responses I received, I began to contact these people. The vast majority of the people who emailed me, numbering around New survey says cheaters deserve second chances the time I began to write this, never replied to me beyond their initial foray in my own inquisitive dimension.
I contacted every single person who had sent me a message, and the majority of them decided not to reply. But those who did reply to me had a lot to say. There is something about the subject that captivates people. Whether it worries them or empowers them or something else, people are interested in infidelity. And of those, there are many.
The afternoon I met Auburn Hair was fresh, warm, and sunny. When she sat down in front of me and shakily asked my name, glancing down at the two blank pages I had been pretending to stare at, I think we both came to the conclusion that neither of us knew what to expect. Gradually, while we New survey says cheaters deserve second chances and became less nervous around each other she began to open up more to me, and what I thought would be a awkward, broken sort of one-way conversation turned into a thoughtful and emotional one.
Auburn Hair is She and her husband just stopped having good sex one day. And then after a year of him gradually losing interest in sex, and her feeling neglected and unwanted, Auburn Hair began seeing another man. For the first time in a long time.
Over the years, Auburn Hair fell in love again. In hotel rooms and on fake business trips, Auburn Hair found someone who she loved as much as her husband, if a comparison like that is fair. I want to tell him but if I do I know it will be the end of us. It would kill him. But I would be happy.
But the ease that technology allows people to cheat on their partners lulls people into a false sense of security. His last relationship ended quickly when his girlfriend found evidence of his wandering eyes and hands on Facebook.
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She was my first. Just a couple years older than me, he was very confident about his infidelity. A youthful sort of confidence. The Auto Worker had his conquests, and he let me know about them. The first time it ever happened, it felt great.
Many critics attacked her piece, accusing her of using it to justify her own illicit behavior. How important is love to infidelity? Maybe not so much, if even at all. Auburn Hair cheats on her husband but still loves him. Monogamy and infidelity are two separate entities that need to be treated as such. In short, in spite of monogamy, people will still cheat. I met Cold Eyes on a beautiful Sunday for lunch.
He was oddly punctual, sliding into our lunch booth at what must have been exactly two p. That was okay with me.
And so I sat staring into his dark grey eyes while we talked. Cold Eyes has just started a family. Cold Eyes has been cheating on his wife for six months now simply because he likes to get everything he wants.
He and his wife have great sex. Cold Eyes was hard to talk to. There was something strange about him. He was completely closed off. He was cold but confident and intelligent.
He was a taker. Soon enough it was 2: Cold Eyes told me he had an appointment at 3 and paid for our lunch. As he got up I asked him what I had been dying to ask him since he first opened his mouth.
With this, New survey says cheaters deserve second chances froze, if only for a portion of a second. His cold eyes, which were focused and intense for the duration of our meeting, glossed over, and for what seemed like minutes but what must have been maybe two seconds, he stared off over my shoulder, as if trying to comprehend some unrealized idea, lost in himself.
She told me that when people cheat they realize what it is that they really want. I avoided talking to her about what I was writing for so long because I think I was afraid of what she was going to tell me. I was afraid to imagine her cheating on me.
And as much as I have to disagree with her, she might be onto something. When you cheat on someone, you know exactly how you feel about them. As terrible as it sounds, I have to wonder, is infidelity an accurate measure of how much we love someone?
I wish I had known and never done it. But whether it was because they simply needed to tell someone, or because they really wanted to help me write this, people poured their hearts out to me, a stranger.
They were real people. These people were mothers, boyfriends, brothers, and daughters. No one likes to be cheated on.